Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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