in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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