TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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