I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
