That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
