RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
