Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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