I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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