My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
