it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
