what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
