So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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