He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
