he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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