i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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