Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
