She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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