he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
