Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
