it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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