let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He has the fingertips of a God
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
