4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
