hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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