I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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