I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
