I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
