my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
