his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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