You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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