He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
