And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
