Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
