I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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