It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
