Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
