he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
