he told me I talked like a deaf person
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.