you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.