Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.