Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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