Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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