i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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