So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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