If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
