There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
