When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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