i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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