i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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