would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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