Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
