He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
