my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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