I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we're so committed to being not committed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
