If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
