My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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