Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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